Norah Jones to headline SuperBowl XLI halftime show

Light jazz darling Norah Jones has been confirmed to headline next year’s SuperBowl XLI Halftime Show at the Dolphins Stadium in Miami, Florida.

The Grammy-winning soporific chanteuse was chosen by SuperBowl organizers in response to increased pressure from influential conservative backers to clean up the top-rated U.S. television event of the year. The Rolling Stones’ appearance at this year’s show, though successfully censored and emasculated by broadcasters, was still considered way too risque.

“We don’t have exact numbers, but a lot of people were offended by the exposure of Mick Jagger’s pruny geriatric stomach,” NFL spokesperson Brian McCarthy said. “We simply cannot take anymore chances like that.”

SuperBowl organizers hope that Jones’ appearance will be heralded as the turning point for decency and proper behaviour in primetime television.

A source close to Ms. Jones says the singer is “ecstatic about the chance to play SuperBowl, and is already looking forward to the event.”

“It will give her a tremendous opportunity to reach out to a whole new audience and touch them,” the unnamed source said.

Only Jones is the confirmed act so far, but there is talk that Air Supply, Mariah Carey, Clay Aiken, Carrie Underwood, and Hilary Duff are also being considered as potential performers for the event.

“We’re also trying to get Christopher Cross to come out of retirement and rejuvenate the crowd with his exciting stage presence next year. Fingers crossed,” said McCarthy.

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