Spears fan puts voodoo curses on Don Henley, Eagles
New Orleans, LOUISIANA — A die-hard Britney Spears fan has placed voodoo curses on Don Henley and the Eagles after the group blocked the troubled pop singer from scoring a No. 1 debut on the Billboard 200 album chart this week.
Sources say 54-year-old Mwema Nokia, who originally hails from Baton Rouge, travelled 100 miles to New Orleans to seek out and procure the services of popular voodoo practitioner Lady Smite.
Nokia reportedly asked Smite to cast a “career death” curse on the Eagles, as well as the insidious “scrotum scratcher” spell on vocalist Henley.
“She was really quite upset that Britney didn’t debut at No. 1. It really mattered to her.”
The veteran 70’s rock band made headlines earlier this week after their first studio album in nearly 30 years, “Long Road Out Of Eden,” which is only exclusively available in the U.S. through Wal-Mart, was made eligible to chart on the Billboard 200 in a controversial eleventh hour move seen by many Spears fans as contrived to intentionally “hurt” their idol.
This marks the first time that Billboard magazine has allowed exclusive album titles that are only available through one retailer to appear on the much-vaunted Billboard 200 Album chart. Previously, titles that were not generally available at retail were not eligible to appear on The Billboard 200, but were entitled to chart on Billboard’s Top Comprehensive Albums, which includes catalog titles and proprietary albums from retailers willing to report those sales.
The Eagles stomped all over Spears by selling 711,000 copies of their CD versus the paltry 290,000 that the former Mouseketeer registered for her latest, simply titled “Blackout.” All of Spears’ previous studio efforts have debuted on top.
Smite said Nokia was very disturbed by the unforeseen turn of events. She had apparently already planned to throw a party this weekend to celebrate Britney’s success.
“She was really quite upset that Britney didn’t debut at No. 1. It really mattered to her,” says Lady Smite. “She was certain that there was conspiracy involved. And that drove her to come to me.”
When asked how she felt about placing potentially damaging spells on the Eagles and Don Henley, Smite replied, “Oh, this has nothing to do with me. I ain’t got nothing against the Eagles. Hell, I love ‘Desperado.’ This is between Mwema and the Maker. In the end, she will have to answer for this.”
A representative for Don Henley, Mark Lee, downplayed the curses, saying that “those things only work if you believe in them, and Don Henley believes in no one but himself, so he’s pretty much immune to them.”