Transgender artist out of ideas to subvert social constructs

The artist: Can’t trend

Coupon, Pennsylvania — Local visual and musical artist and self-professed cultural dissident Valerie Sanders has run out of ways to express herself and grab attention in the fast-paced era of social media driven by the constant fear of missing out.

Sanders, 34, made the stunning admission in casual conversation with friends at the Starbucks near where she lives.

“You guys, I think I’ve exhausted all possible legal ways to express my artistic self and provoke dialogue and subvert society’s constructs,” said Sanders in between sips of her Venti Soy No Foam No Water Chai latte. “It seems no matter what I do, there’s always someone else who’s already done it, and done it better than me.”

Through the years, Sanders has been known to drastically alter her artistic brand and core values in response to evolving cultural paradigm shifts. She once wore an outfit made out of day-old pita bread and had taken up Gnosticism while everyone else was into Buddhism.

Most recently, she had come out as transgender and started wearing bras out in public without shaving her chest. Prior to that, Sanders was living as an out gay man who had once been in a heterosexual relationship with a woman for a number of years. Her recent decision to come out as transgender shocked only her paternal grandmother, and was generally ignored by everyone else.

“I couldn’t even trend on Twitter for a fucking minute,” said the frustrated artist. “I mean, what’s a bitch got to do to get some attention without having to, like, murder people? Can’t anybody get shocked anymore?”

Sanders said she’s “seriously thinking about giving it all up and just taking up a job as an accountant somewhere.”

When asked if she’ll continue on living as a transgender woman, Sanders shrugged and said, “Who knows. I might have to re-identify as a heterosexual cisgender male if that’ll get me fame and fortune.”

Sanders has recently released a book of poems titled “In Praise Of Shallow Men.”

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