Susan Sarandon’s vagina: ‘I am with Hillary’
Los Angeles, CA — In a startling turn of events, Susan Sarandon’s vagina has gone on record and declared she is throwing her full support behind Democratic presidential front-runner Hillary Clinton.
The move is in direct opposition to the actress’ spirited and sometimes aggressive backing of quirky socialist dreamer Bernie Sanders, who is Clinton’s last remaining stumbling block in the path to the Democratic presidential nomination.
“Susan is right, she doesn’t vote with her vagina,” said Sarandon’s vagina, referring to the actress’s Twitter post on which she said she doesn’t vote with her female genitalia. “Because I, like many other vaginas, have a mind and voice of my own, and for anyone to insinuate otherwise is incredibly insulting to vaginas everywhere.”
Sarandon’s vagina, who goes by the name Nancy Aubergine, said she believes that out of all the politicians running for the highest office in the United States of America, Hillary Clinton is the only one who has the realistic plan and the experience to steer the country in the right direction.
“As a vagina, I truly believe in my heart of hearts that Hillary will do great things for America,” said Aubergine. “For me, experience matters. Hillary’s track record as a public servant speaks for itself.”
Aubergine added that she doesn’t understand why Sarandon (and anyone for that matter) thinks Bernie Sanders would make a great president.
“I think it’s rich that a 74-year-old man who has been in politics longer than anyone running for president would paint himself as a revolutionary while besmirching Secretary Clinton as being part of the establishment,” said Aubergine. “If anyone is part of the establishment, it’s him. He invented the establishment.
“Let me tell you, if Bernie Sanders were a gynecologist, I most certainly would not let him touch me with a 10-foot pole,” said Sarandon’s vagina.
Hillary Clinton is currently leading the Democratic presidential race with 1,243 pledged delegates, while Bernie Sanders recently picked up an interest in ornithology.