Israeli commandos board seniors cruise ship, no one hurt

Cruise passenger: “I’m suing Netanyahu”

Jerusalem — Israel’s tattered international image took another hit Tuesday after it dispatched heavily armed commandos to a marine vessel sailing too close to the Gaza Strip that turned out to be a cruise ship for seniors.

The early morning raid on the SS Gilded Lily startled sleeping passengers and caused cardiac dysrhythmia in dozens of seniors, but no one suffered any life-threatening condition, according to the ship’s medical crew.

Cruise passenger Edna Stilliwack, 78, condemned the raid and vowed to “sue the pants off Benjamin Netanyahu” for putting her through the horrible experience.

“I thought we were being raided by brown pirates, and that I was going to be raped and then killed,” said Stilliwack.

Eyewitness reports said the raiding commandos immediately disembarked from the ship after speaking with the navigation crew and redirecting the vessel’s course away from Gaza.

The Israeli Navy shortly thereafter posted a notice on its website apologizing for the intrusion and wished everyone on board the SS Gilded Lily “a safe, happy vacation away from Gaza.” Commander in chief Eli Marom said he has made arrangements for each vacationer on board the ship to receive a conciliatory gift package, which includes Metamucil products, Sun-Maid prunes and Depend adult diapers.

Israeli Foreign Affairs Minister Avigdor Lieberman praised the bloodless interception of the seniors cruise ship and implored the international community to reassess its opinion of Israel as a heartless aggressor.

“This incident clearly demonstrates our capacity for logic, reason, and compassion, and it is my hope that leaders of other nations will see this,” said Lieberman. “We are not a violent nation.”

Israel is still on damage control after its deadly raid on a flotilla attempting to deliver humanitarian aid to Palestinians in the Gaza Strip. International condemnation was swift and harsh as the Israeli government scrambled to explain how what was meant to be a simple takeover of a civilian vessel went so badly awry.

As of press time, it is not known whether or not the Israeli government will send conciliatory gift packages to the humanitarian activists who were part of the flotilla.

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